Mark Espat’s recent outburst and envious ranting against those in the legal profession prompted the Hon. Prime Minister to suggest for his colleagues to take up a collection to send Mark Espat to law school as he apparently NOW regrets not pursuing that career path.

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A ROLEX FOR G. MICHAEL “The Deportee” REID

In like fashion, this columnist makes an appeal to colleagues in the media to make, not one, but two rounds of collections.  The first set of collection is

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So deeply entrenched is the deportee’s obsession with the PM’s Rolex that, apart from affecting his ability to write a decent column, the PM’s Rolex is causing the deportee many sleepless nights thereby contributing to his deteriorating health condition resulting in frequent visits to the hospital.

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A VEHICLE FOR GLENN “The Hammer” TILLETT

The second round of collection is to be used to purchase a vehicle for Glenn “The Hammer” Tillett as he still cannot understand why he had to turn in the government vehicle he once abused under Joe “the land hog” Coye and the PUP. Many of us recall that when the PUP lost the elections in February 2008, The Hammer simply refused to return the government vehicle. In fact, the police had to be called to wrestle it from his grip.

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While colleagues in the media are contemplating the taking up of these collections, The Hammer is advised to count his blessings, while the bicycle he NOW rides as his primary means of transportation might not be conducive to bar hopping, at least the daily pumping of the pedals might just do his heart some good.

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A LESSON FOR JUAN “Mentira” BRICENO

The PUP circus was in San Ignacio this week with chief clown Juan “Mentira” Briceno taking center stage. As was expected, the turnout was a disaster. No less than ten buses were hired to bring in supporters from surrounding villages, and when less than 200 persons showed up, Juan Mentira wasted no time in making known his displeasure.

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The strategy was simple. The meeting was not held in downtown San Ignacio because they knew that villagers would have boarded their buses for the ride into town to do their shopping without attending the meeting. The circus was held all way to the very top of the Cahal Pech hill. Notwithstanding their instructions, drivers were forced to stop in the downtown area as many villagers disembarked, and Juan Mentira was not at all pleased when some of the buses arrived with as little as five to eight passengers.

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Much to the dislike of Juan Mentira, the PUP circus was totally boycotted by residents of San Ignacio and Santa Elena thereby confirming the feeble position of the PUP in Cayo.

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As the division continues to widen in the PUP, we trust that Juan Mentira has learned the following lessons:

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LESSON #1

GET THE SENSE!!! Stop fooling yourself, Dan “Chief Crazy Horse” Silva is not on your side – He is all for Mark “Super Bondage” Espat and Cordel “Scholarship Funds” Hyde and he makes that known at every opportunity behind your back.

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LESSON #2

Juan Mentira, Landy Habet is not with you. Everyone knows that he is 100% behind Said Musa. He knows that you are plotting to replace him especially given all the baggage he carries as a onetime PUP mayor of San Ignacio/Santa Elena. Remember that it is Landy who paid next to nothing and walked away with the government rest house and the prime parcel of land on which it sits behind the Police Station in San Ignacio Town. This deal continues to be a yoke around Landy’s neck and a constant and living reminder to all voters, not only of Cayo Northeast but across the entire district, of Landy Habet’s greed and questionable integrity.

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LESSON #3

Nelson “Money” Tillet is in it only for the money. Do you think that they are happy with the measly $500 you sent them to open the Cayo North office? Oh, you should hear what they are saying of your continuous cry about how no money no deh when you are, they say, grabbing all the wealth for yourself.

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LESSON #4

A good leader must always ensure that the choir is singing from the same song sheet.  Hugh “Silva Stoogie” O’Brien made you look like a fool as he publicly attempted to attribute infighting to the United Democratic Party when every single Tom, Dick, Harry and their relatives know fully well that infighting is synonymous with the PUP.

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The people know that the infighting among the PUP is the sole reason why you are over there in such small numbers in the House of Representatives. The people know that Mark Espat referred to all of you as skettels. It is common knowledge that you don’t see eye to eye with Musa, Fonseca I, Fonseca II, Florencio, Espat, Hyde, Habet, Silva etc., and that, among themselves, this bunch is constantly at each other’s throat.

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LESSON #5

Juan Mentira, you must try as much as possible to give least exposure to Maureen “Phone Card” Leslie. How dare she goes to Cayo and tell those good people that the police has only one vehicle when these people are fully aware that their police has no less than three vehicles; they see these vehicles in operation every single day.

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The people of Cayo know that Maureen “Phone Card” Leslie, as Deputy Commissioner of Police, was an abject and total failure. They know that under Maureen Leslie the Cayo police regularly went for several weeks and even months without a single vehicle.

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It’s either that Maureen “Phone Card” Leslie is not following the news or in typical PUP fashion is deliberately attempting to mislead the people. In the process however, all she does is make a fool of herself and the PUP as an informed populace can no longer be easily fooled.

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Does Maureen “Phone Card” Leslie not realize that a NOW highly equipped and mobile San Ignacio Police was recently successful in the BIGGEST cocaine bust in the area?

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Is the FAT-ONE from Belmopan not aware that a NOW highly motivated San Igancio Police was recently successful in the capture of a Belizean Fugitive of the law who has been evading the police for over 3 ½ years even while she incompetently occupied the post of Deputy Commissioner of Police.

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Lesson #6

Juan Mentira, behind every good leader there is a good woman, where is Mrs. Juan Mentira? There are strong indications that not even Mrs. Mentira is with you as she is said to routinely be telling relatives and friends that you will never be king and so she does not have the time or the energy to be following up “Johnny and his foolishness”.  It’s like many of them are saying behind your back, “If he cannot organize the Mrs., how on earth can he organize the PUP?”

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In closing this week, we extend deepest sympathy to the Bowen family on the recent tragic passing of Sir Barry Mansfield Bowen, a true son of the Belizean soil. The prayers of the nation are with the family in these times of overwhelming grief. May his soul rest in everlasting PEACE.