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From Sketteldom - with malice towards some Print E-mail
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Written by Administrator   
Wednesday, 08 September 2010 00:00

First of all, let’s wish all of you a Happy September. Secondly, let us apologise for failing last week to fulfil our skettellian obligations; skettellian only by observer status, of course, for it is not we, but they who are the skettels we write about from week to week. Finally, to round off our introductory remarks, we must say thanks to our good friend and colleague from ’Then and Now’ (and always) for picking up the slack and making up for our momentary lapse in discharging our skettellian obligations (again, skettellian only from the status of observer and analyst), as the admonishment he administered to all those sinful skettels last week was good for a double dose.

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Though we ourselves might still have some making up to do, we’ll try our best to not be too lengthy this week, as we wouldn’t want to spoil the patriotic September mood. Besides, notwithstanding all the anxiety over the imminent national skettellian convention and the moves and countermoves by so-called and would-be leaders, there’s really nothing fundamentally new going on inside the skettel party. It’s as the French say, “The more things change, the more they remain the same.”

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All that’s changed, apparently, is that some who were once considered second-class skettels have now moved up to the status of first-class skettels. And guess what? They seem determined to do whatever they must to hold on to that new status. It’s as they say, “Thief from thief, God laughs”. And, as we told you, God will indeed be having a belly-full of laughter come October should Johnny and his ‘Happy Tails’ pull off a dishonest upset over the old rulers of Sketteldom who presided over ten years of thievery at the expense of the Belizean people, and who even stole from their own party its headquarters, its newspaper and its radio station.

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While we’re on the issue of skettellian status and the determination by those in control to tighten their grip on power, we note that in many quarters, the grumblings are now turning to growls as certain wannabe and has-been skettels are being systematically locked out of skettellian affairs in their constituencies. Case in point is Stann Creek West, where the former ‘compromised clerk’ of the National Assembly, after pretending to be neutral and claiming to be unfairly victimized by the current administration, is once again showing his true colours and attempting to make moves against Rodwell, the Coffeemaker turned Millionaire. But just as Johnny is doing to his rivals at the national level, Rodwell is doing everything in his power to keep Conrad and all other has-been and would-be skettels out of the mix.

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On Tuesday, the former ‘compromised clerk’ called in to Bitter Vibes to complain, but Lady Chair would give him no assurance that the doors shall be opened unto him. Keep knocking, Conrad! This one bears watching, as an all out skettellian war is about to break out in the South; not to mention the West, East and North. 
      
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In case you’re wondering how we ended up overhearing all this skettellian back and forth, we just had some idle time on our hands this past week, and as we fumbled with our radio dial Tuesday morning, we stumbled across a station with an exceedingly bitter vibes. Just when we thought Hammer Host was home alone, company came. Guess who was his guest? None other than Lady Chair; she who once supervised a skettellian project that was to bring us a modern satellite-city but somehow ended up producing nothing but an undersized semi-village! Guess what was the main topic of discussion, which has apparently become Carolyn’s latest obsession? Of all the things in the world, Campaign Finance Reform!

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Lady Chair was telling us about a conference she attended somewhere in the Caribbean where one of the main topics was Campaign Finance Reform. According to her, the need for such reform arises from the likelihood that a financier might be able to exert inordinate influence upon policy decisions by an administration by virtue of him being a major financier of the party while it is seeking to get elected.

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Funny, isn’t it? - coming from an unprincipled political skettel like Carolyn who wilfully participated in the fleecing of a nation at the hands of a party funded by a British Billionaire called Lord Predator; a party which clearly did everything to facilitate that voracious predator once it became the government; everything including amending laws and signing accommodation agreements to allow him to evade millions of dollars in taxes owed to the government and people of Belize. That’s no likelihood, Carolyn; it’s an established fact!

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Your contribution to the debate, we hope, was to point all the participants and presenters at that regional conference to Lord Predator and your Skettel Party here in Belize as a textbook case on how corrupt campaign financing could ruin a thriving democracy. And, since we understand that this issue of Campaign Finance Reform is one which you also love to discuss at Thursday Think Tanking, why don’t you invite the former treasurer of the Conservative Party in the U.K. to one of your sessions for a more global perspective on the matter? Please, Carolyn! PUP talking about corrupt campaign financing is like the Devil talking about sin. For goodness sake, spare us the humour! 
           
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Speaking of humour, what a joke it is to hear the party that bears the infamy of being the worst administration ever, now talking about instituting a Hall of Fame! Pardon us, but shouldn’t that be, Hall of Shame? Shouldn’t Said and Ralph and Johnny and every other minister and area representative in the last PUP administration automatically qualify for a place in that Hall of Shame? And shouldn’t Lady Chair herself be good enough at least for a nomination or a mention, having built us an undersized semi-village for a modern satellite-city at a whopping cost of over One Hundred Million Dollars? A costly joke on the backs of all Belizean taxpayers, but a joke nonetheless! Sometimes to avoid sending your pressure up, as we Creoles like to say, “Yuh just have to tek bad thing mek laugh!” 
 
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If that wasn’t enough comic relief for the week, the Skettel Party, only half way through the first five years of what could well be a hundred years in opposition, is already releasing campaign songs. We hate to make fun of a genuine artistic effort; but then again, any production (regardless of its artistic value or lack thereof) that seeks to promote skettellianism (which is to say, a PUP cause) could hardly be called genuine. In this case, (and we will make no apologies for saying so) the effort is grossly lacking not only in authenticity. It’s, to put it mildly, an artistic travesty and a skettellian cacophony.

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One of the pieces, a crude adulteration of Bob Marley’s “Coming in from the Cold”, features an out-of-key, high-pitched harmony (or should we say, disharmony?) that ostensibly seeks to imitate the voice of the ‘squeaky’ leader. As to the merit in the lyrics that Johnny and the PUP are politically out in the cold is certainly no lie, but there’s absolutely no indication they’ll be coming in from it any time soon.    
          
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Then, there’s another piece (we can’t say musical, for if there’s no harmony, there’s really no music) which calls on all skettels—they can’t be calling on the rest of us decent Belizeans who are still paying the price, and will continue to do so until 2029 and beyond, for their ten years of corruption and super-bondage—to come home to the PUP. Again, we hate to scoff at an artistic effort, but if we must genuinely rate it, we would have to say this one is nothing but an uninspiring, poorly-structured nursery rhyme masquerading as a song. 

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And, finally, they’re even trying to resurrect from the dead, “Welcome to the Party”, the legendary writer of the song having long gone to a better place, and the talented artist who sang it having already opened his eyes, being still unpaid to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars for the skettellian abuse and misuse of his musical talent. Nuff Respect, Supa, the General! You are indeed Belize; and so are we! Remember, no true-true Belizean artist is truly welcome enna dat deh skettel party. They could resurrect and replay your song all they want, not even the few hopeless skettels that remain can dance to it these days; for as another once popular song says, “Guilty feet have got no rhythm”.   
  
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As to the rest of us decent Belizeans, let us not be afraid to shake our waist a little, or a lot, depending on the respective shape that we’re in. The song to dance to this September is indeed, “I am Belize; you are Belize; we are Belize”. Happy Tenth, everyone! As to you, Johnny, feel free to try wa lee thing; but whatever you do, keep your eyes open! And remember now, Noh watch the Twenty Six weh endorse yuh; watch the FIVE weh despise yuh!