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One of a Kind Print E-mail
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Written by By Souad Assaad-Lindo   
Thursday, 07 December 2017 00:00

I am me, you are you but at times one plus one is not two. Are we not equals if I am but one and you another? What makes you so special, if I have the “whole” to your part? I cultivate and reap whilst you just plant the seed. Looking at it objectively, It is unbalanced as us women carry the brunt. We, women carry all the secrets as well. We hide the truth behind our smiles, jackets, scarfs, pants and war paint.

Today, the 6th of December is the anniversary of the Montreal Massacre and is now observed as the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence AGAINST Women. Majority of the time, we cannot tell when women are being abused, be it verbal, physical or both because they are ashamed and hide it well.

Most often we women are crying and hurting on the inside and it goes unnoticed because of that delighted, compassionate, or amused facial expression in the centre of our faces and other accessories. However, internally, we women become shattered, ashamed and fearful. We feel like a disappointment and start losing grip of who we are. We become embarrassed to be in our own skin. Embarrassed? Stop and ask for what reasons? Let’s think what makes you less of a person? What wrong have you done? How is it your fault? You actually have an answer favorable to your abuser? STOP right there, there is no reason at all to endure abuse.

Let me share a secret with you, YOU have the power to overcome your abuser. You are giving him the power to abuse you and why? Stop wearing the jackets, long sleeves, scarfs, make-up and that smile to hide the abuse. Get up and say no more, only you have that power. You feel alone and lost and the reason for this is because of your abuser. YOU are not alone. Speak up, seek help and get out. Look in the mirror and say I am one of a kind and I can do anything. Nothing is impossible, just look at the word itself what does it say? “I’m POSSIBLE!

And as to your abuser, lucky fellow to have had the privilege to have been graced with your presence. DO not listen to the: I’m sorry, it won’t happen again, I did not mean it, please forgive me and/or brings you flowers, gifts etc. We are creatures of habit and if it happens once it will happen again, especially knowing you accepted it. Heed my advice, it has taken me years to accept this and yes, I am a victim of abuse, losing who I was for believing it was my fault and deserved it. See that’s the tricky part because they turn it back on us women.

Many days I would find creative ways to cover the marks, to hide the hurt and most of all to make things run smoothly. I say smoothly because you never know what will trigger your abuser. I figured that if I kept to myself, smiled, bowed my head and remained silent things would be perfect. Nope, he still found something to argue about and well you know the rest. This is how I can tell you that it is not your fault, there is a defect with them not you.

Darling, do not be afraid, if you have kids and you say, “you are staying because of them”, let me ask you this? What type of children will be raised having them be raised in such an environment? Fear to start over? Guess what bottom is the lowest you can reach, so start from the bottom up. No one died from hard work but have died from the hands of abusers. Reach out, the proverbial saying, “ Ask and you shall receive,” is true.

Just like love abuse knows no age, race or face; Do not judge a book by its covers, read the chapters. I have often been criticized and what do I do, I simply smile because I know the truth. We women are vicious to one another and I ask just one of you to stop and let’s be there for each other. Just one of you, because it starts with just one. I was ashamed, embarrassed, broken and lost. The Lord knows, I had the vilest thought about ending my life many days. The strength came one day when the very reason I remained became the reason I left, my child. Starting over is scary and hard, however, is definitely worth it.  I began to stick the broken pieces together, one piece at a time. I am here today to tell you that you are not the first to be abused and won’t be the last, however, only you can allow it to continue.

Us, women, are many and are the backbone to family, work, community and home! Be not ashamed of what you have endured but use it to fuel you. Your abuser had to do what he did to feel better about himself and his shortcomings because you are more of a man than him. Real men do not abuse women, only cowards do. You are blessed, you are beautiful and you are unstoppable. So stop giving them the power over you. Know that there is only One of you, you are one of a kind, you are the one to make a difference and you are the one to take that first step to end the abuse against You!