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What is Narcissistic Abuse? Print E-mail
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Written by By Jemma Simone Williams   
Thursday, 07 June 2018 00:00

By Jemma Simone Williams – domestic abuse survivor

There are so many definitions of Codependency, however, I find Lisa A Romano and Ross Rosenberg’s definition well put together. Lisa A. Romano is a certified life coach and an author, popular on Youtube Vlogger and Motivational Speaker. She is also an expert in the field of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse. Her definition of Codependency in her own words is as follows: “Codependency has everything to do with limiting, false belief; they’re illusions and one of the greatest illusions I’ve discovered that people have is that they need validation from someone outside of themselves.”

Ross Rosenberg is a psychotherapist, international speaker, author and expert in codependency, narcissism, and trauma. His definition is as follows: “Is an individual problem, a personality type that draws you into relationships with people who need and demand love, respect and care but cannot give the same back, but yet you stay in that relationship, trying to control it, by making that person love, respect and care for you. No matter how upset you are, you still stay in that relationship, being bitter and angry. Codependency is sub-divided into two categories: active and passive codependency. Passive Codependents are more fearful and avoidant of conflict and Active Codependents are more boldly and overtly, being less afraid of conflict and subsequent harm.”

Red flags of Manipulative People

Due to the large list I will only list a few here. As a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse the best advice I can give anyone is never dismiss your intuition, your intuition doesn’t lie and it won’t mislead you. This mini list is mainly focused on relationships but there is a bigger list when it comes to co-workers, bosses, church leaders, friends and family members, taken from the book Psychopath Free, Recovering from emotionally abusive relationships with Narcissist, Sociopaths and other toxic people by Jackson Mackenzie. The Narcissist will….

1 Focus on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they’re two hours late, don’t forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their inappropriate behavior, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you. You might begin to adopt perfectionist qualities, very aware that any mistake can and will be used against you.

2 You are the only one who sees their true colors. No matter what they do, they always seem to have a fan club cheering for them. The psychopath uses these people for money, resources, and attention—but the fan club won’t notice, because this person strategically distracts them with shallow praise.

3 Cracks in their mask. There are fleeting moments when the charming, cute, innocent persona is replaced by something else entirely. You see a side to them that never came out during the idealization phase, and it is a side that’s cold, inconsiderate, and manipulative. You start to notice that their personality just doesn’t add up—that the person you fell in love with doesn’t actually seem to exist.

4 Pity plays and sympathy stories. Their bad behavior always has sob-story roots. They claim to behave this way because of an abusive ex, an abusive parent, or an abusive cat. They say that all they’ve ever wanted is some peace and quiet. They say they hate drama—and yet there’s more drama surrounding them than anyone you’ve ever known.

5 This person becomes your entire life. You’re spending more of your time with them and their friends, and less time with your own support network. They’re all you think and talk about anymore. You isolate yourself in order to make sure you’re available for them. You cancel plans and eagerly wait by the phone for their next communication. For some reason, the relationship seems to involve a lot of sacrifices on your end, but very few on theirs.

6 Arrogance. Despite the humble, sweet image they presented in the early stages, you start to notice an unmistakable air of superiority about them. They talk down to you as if you are intellectually deficient and emotionally unstable. They have no shame when it comes to flaunting new targets after the breakup, ensuring that you see how happy they are without you.

7 The qualities they once claimed to admire about you suddenly become glaring faults. At first, they appeal to your deepest vanities and vulnerabilities, observing and mimicking exactly what they think you want to hear. But after you’re hooked, they start to use these things against you. You spend more and more time trying to prove yourself worthy to the very same person who once said you were perfect.

8 Idealization, love-bombing, and flattery. When you first meet, things move extremely fast. They tell you how much they have in common with you—how perfect you are for them. Like a chameleon, they mirror your hopes, dreams, and insecurities in order to form an immediate bond of trust and excitement. They constantly initiate communication and seem to be fascinated with you on every level.

I Jemma Simone Williams refuse to be silent about Narcissistic Emotional Abuse as a Survivor, we need to speak up, if you have been tortured, bullied as I did and you feel like no one gets you because the scars are invisible.  I am here and you are not alone, let’s support each other and thrive. You can e-mail address me at  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it